


Y'Eros 2-Dahsaya vi'rehek (Division into Three)

by Ladyhawk_lhflu



Series: Y'Eros [2]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Multi, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 09:36:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7569154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladyhawk_lhflu/pseuds/Ladyhawk_lhflu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part 2 of Y'Eros. The Enterprise fix still applies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Y'Eros 2-Dahsaya vi'rehek (Division into Three)

\--------------  
I should not have been surprised when Y'Eros occurred in my relationship with Jim Kirk. It was obvious from the beginning that I was not the only important being in his life. The only acceptable excuse for not anticipating this outcome was the fact that Y'Eros did not occur early in our intimate relationship. The bond's third connection grew directly after my bonding ceremony with Jim.

As I have said, the evidence before me was clear but I did not pay attention to it. I suspect that the emotions I had concerning my captain and his best friend clouded my logic. This was most unfortunate. For if I had not given in to my human side, perhaps Jim would not have had to suffer as he did.

The closeness between the captain and the doctor had been apparent from the day McCoy brought him aboard the Enterprise. Jim believed in his friend implicitly, even while he suffered through the vaccine that the doctor had given him. That was only the first of many events I witnessed that highlighted the trust between them. To my embarrassment, I quickly found myself envious of the strongest human friendship I had ever seen.

Over the past year of serving together, I watched as our captain turned to his friend for advice nearly as often as he turned to me, the one assigned to be his advisor. Of course, he went to McCoy when he was ill. But I did not expect him to turn to McCoy first when trying to deal with a difficult leader of a planet or trying to decide how to explain a situation to the crew.

I found this situation disconcerting. Without realizing it, the captain was undermining my authority and making my job more difficult. This was not the most pertinent issue, however. The difficulty that I was hiding, even from myself, was that I wanted Jim's attention simply because he liked my company. But his focus was on McCoy.

When I first realized I wanted to be closer to the captain, I was still in a relationship with Nyota Uhura. So it was quite unnerving to find myself jealous of someone not focusing their attention on her. I did not know how to tell her this, or even if I should.

It was to my advantage that Nyota was wise at a very young age. My significant other soon realized that our relationship was no longer one of my priorities. But, unless most other humans, she handled that knowledge calmly. I was quite impressed with her logic as she suggested changes in how we saw one another. She did, however, make sure she had my attention when she told me.

I suspected our relationship was soon to end when Nyota approached me in the mess hall as I sat eating my dinner and reading crew reports. "I should be mad at you," she said as she walked over to my table and looked down at me with anger in her eyes. 

"May I inquire why?" I asked neutrally, not understanding her emotionality, but knowing I should not provoke her further.

"You're not a very good boyfriend." 

"What do you mean?" I asked as I invited her to sit down. From previous experience, I knew the best way to dissapate her anger was to confront its cause directly. Once she knew I was listening to her complaint, she would calm down considerably.

"You haven't come to see me in days. You haven't talked to me on the bridge. You haven't even sat down to eat with me in here!" Nyota's expression suddenly became angrier and her voice was sharper. "Who is she?!"

"Who?" I asked, puzzled.

"The woman who is replacing me!" Her hand slammed onto the table so unexpectedly that I quickly had to stifle my body's desire to jump.

Suddenly, I understood her emotionality. I had not been attentive enough to her as I struggled with my feelings concerning the captain.

I initially intended to tell her that no woman was replacing her, as it was the truth. But observing our captain's romantic escapades taught me that technical correctness is undesirable if the intention of the request is not met. She was indeed being replaced, and as such, was entitled to ask about the person who now took much of my time.

But I did not think it prudent to reveal his identity to Nyota, as she and the captain had only begun to relate amicably. 

"I cannot tell you." I bowed my head to show my remorse for causing her pain. But instead of revealing more anger or tears, Nyota simply sighed.

I looked up to find her shaking her head in a way that suggested that she too had something to apologize for. This confused me. What did she do that was detrimental?

"I held on for too long, didn't I?" She asked quietly. "You don't need me anymore. I could see you starting to pull away from me about two months ago."

Her memories corresponded with the injury I had sustained from an insect on Travain, an event the captain had blamed himself for because he had fallen asleep while guarding me from the creatures. 

After my recovery, Jim began to invite me to more after-hours activities than just our usual chess game after the evening meal. He would ask me to view an old movie with him, share dinner, or even sit with him and McCoy as they 'shot the breeze'. At first, I believed his invitations were due to guilt over my injuries. But when they continued for longer than I expected, I found myself surprised and pleased. His attention was welcome, as I found in him an empathy that was quite refreshing.

His difficult childhood allowed him to understand my desire to avoid some of my compatriots, although I would not turn my back on them during this time of need. He too had been taunted by peers ignorant of his state of affairs. This gave us both a sense of similarity, a belief that was much needed as we tried to understand one another's differences.

As I gazed at Nyota, I realized how much my camaraderie with the captain had affected my relationship with her. It seemed that during my time with Jim, the affection I had felt for her had faded to friendship without my knowledge.

She had been much more aware of this than I. It was most fortunate that her logical nature allowed her to accept that she was not to blame for this change. In fact, she seemed to consider it a product of fate. 

I was relieved when instead of continuing in anger, she said, "Just make sure whoever caught your eye treats you well, okay? I always knew I wasn't going to be enough for you. I hope she is."

She bent over the table to kiss my cheek when I found myself unable to speak. "All you need to do is call if you need me for something. This is an evolution of our relationship, not a complete break-up. I'm still here for you."

I nodded sadly. I had not wanted to leave her without a companion, but now it seemed inevitable. "My hope is that you, too, will find someone more suited to you."

"I will. After I recover from all this." Nyota's voice was soft, and unfocused, as if distracted by some internal thought. "Just make sure whomever it is knows how lucky they are."

I vowed then to trust in her confidence in me and pursue a relationship with my captain, despite the fact that I could see McCoy partially obstructing my path. I believed that if Jim found me as desirable as I found him, the doctor would not be a problem.

At first, that was so. He was actually an aid to me.

McCoy was the one who pointed out to Jim that I was interested in seeking a more complete relationship with him. I did not know of the captain's knowledge until I joined them in a bar after being reprimanded for inadequate research during a mission. But when I realized that my desire was no longer a secret, I took full advantage of the situation.

While the two humans were bonding with me over shared mistakes, I found the courage to hint at my interest in Jim. Because of McCoy's information, the captain was quite ready to respond to that hint. He surprised me with a reply that left me in no doubt of his interest.

So once we left McCoy, I joined my captain in his quarters for something other than chess or conversation. For that night, I pushed the teachings of Surak aside and let the primitive Vulcan in me take control as I gave into my desires.

The method was quite effective in informing him that I was interested in engaging with him sexually. We both left that encounter quite physically satisfied.

The second night, however, my confidence wavered. I did not expect nervousness after such a productive initial encounter. But as my mother once taught me, first dates are full of magical wonder. Second dates, however, are when reality begins to intrude.

After being with Nyota, who was quite loyal in her affiliations, I found myself uneasy about expressing my need for a long-term relationship to a man as promiscuous as our captain. My possessiveness of the night before was being subsumed by a fear of being unable to keep the interest of this intriguing man.

I was able to control my emotions until we stopped at his door, when I found myself frozen in apprehension. My main concern was not for myself. Trained as I was in the ways of Surak, I could hide any discomfort his lack of loyalty might cause. But if the crew found out about our liasion and approved of it, then saw him 'cheating' on me, they might be inclined to undermine his authority. 

Although I did not know how to broach the topic, Jim must have been expecting this difficulty, for he spoke of it when I came into his cabin. "I know my history precedes me, Spock. But some of what you've heard are lies. 

"I have slept around quite a bit, I admit. But don't believe the rumors about me having ten girlfriends at once. I prefer to concentrate on one person at a time. I can't promise you forever, but as long as we both agree we want..." He waved his hand vaguely. "this, well, you'll be the only one I'm seeing."

With that, my choice was made. I stepped further into the room and we proceeded to show each other how much we had come to appreciate our friendship. I was astonished to find Jim was a patient lover when I allowed him to control our mating. He was quiet, attentive, and quite adept at getting me to respond. 

I did not expect this. I was anticipating that I would have to teach him patience, as Nyota had told me the captain was a 'teenager' when it came to physical affection.

When I questioned him on this later that night, he laughed. "She saw me with Gailia! *Gailia* was the one in a rush." Then he told me something that gave me much hope for the future of this endeavor. "When I'm with you, I want to do this right. So, I need to be patient."

He continued to be patient with me, and I with him, as we proceeded to expand our relationship over the next few weeks. Soon, I felt a bond begin to grow between our minds. 

I was both awed and excited by this occurrance. Spontaneous bonds were rare in Vulcans. They were a sign of a deep connection that, as some elders declared, 'cannot be stopped, even by logic'.

So it was a reasonable conclusion that, when the bond started demanding that my katra become part of it, I should request a commitment from Jim.

I was not worried when he hesitated. This was his first long-term relationship, and his apprehension was expected. I was, however, surprised when within a week he came back to me and told me he wanted to proceed.

"How did you come to decision so swiftly?" I asked, concerned that he had not considered all implications of his new status before he decided on a course. The captain was known for impulsive decisions. Most often they helped the situation, but on occasion, they caused us further problems.

So I was relieved when he told me, "I spent the whole week talking with Bones about it. Why do you think I haven't been able to meet you for dinner?" 

Jim wrapped an arm around my shoulder as we sat down. "He helped me see that we need each other. You have been the constant in my life aboard this ship, the one I really want. I won't want another person to be as close to me as you are."

I thought of McCoy at this point, as he had been more of a constant in the captain's life than I, and in some ways, closer to him. But then the bond flared with the arousal Jim was feeling at the moment and I found myself pushing the concern away. My bondmate needed to feel me against him, so that became my primary obligation.

I let Jim's preoccupation fool me into believing McCoy's presence was not an issue in our relationship until our bonding ceremony. That is when I felt Y'Eros begin.

As I saw Jim gaze at McCoy after we had pledged our loyalty to one another, I knew things, yet again, were going to change. I watched as my bondmate's eyes began to tear. Everyone around us took it as happiness for our new state of affairs. But I began to realize he believed that by bonding with me, he would lose McCoy.

I closed my eyes to give Jim a moment to compose himself without me as a witness to his emotionality. But as I did, I felt something tugging on Jim's side of the bond. Looking within, I saw the bond forming a new connection point. 

How did this happen? As I searched for an answer, I saw the new piece of the bond lean toward a thin blue thread connected to Jim's mind. The bond appeared to be protecting it from whatever force was trying to pull it out.

Taking a deep breath, I accepted the facts before me. I did not need to open my eyes to know McCoy was frowning at Jim, and that a part of him was straining to remove the link, in deference to Jim's new status. The thread echoed faintly with his presence, a warm yet gruff aura. I imagined that, even as weak as it was, it was a comfort to my bondmate, like a good memory of a time barely remembered.

But its removal was not warranted nor desired. I could see rips starting to appear in the fabric of Jim's mind from McCoy's attempts to remove the link. As this would hurt Jim, and it was also straining the bond slightly, I tugged on the link in an attempt to get McCoy to abandon its removal.

Because the doctor's psy abilities were weaker than even my gentle pull, his unconscious mind quickly abandoned its pursuit. I sighed in relief, knowing that Jim would be bereft without McCoy's presence. 

So I tried informing Jim of the change in the bond. But I must have erred in my explanation because he misunderstood me. He thought I was betraying him, that I wanted McCoy. But I patiently and logically presented my reasoning for the opposite. Within a few days, he began to realize the truth.

When he understood that it was he who needed his friend, I suggested that he convince the doctor to join us. Although I did not care for McCoy as deeply as Jim did, for the good of our relationship, I was willing to share my captain with the gruff doctor.

But something went wrong when Jim went to see McCoy. Although Jim is an expert at seduction, he was unable to to use his skills on his friend. I did not realize their closeness would undermine Jim's ability to charm.

As the bond began to fail, we realized that McCoy must be convinced or we would lose everything we had gained when we became lovers. Although he knew it would be difficult, Jim was determined to get his friend to listen. 

His desperation was his downfall. The panic within him caused the bond to temporarily recede. Jim did not realize that it would return. It was not yet so weak that it would recede permanently. 

When humans panic, they often do foolish things. Jim was not an exception to this. As the bond reconnected, I could hear him yelling at the doctor. Even I flinched as he accused McCoy of being a false friend.

We all knew McCoy's influence had helped shape Jim into the man he was. Even though he tries to hide it behind his gruff manner, I haven't seen such a self-sacrificing human in my life, expect, perhaps, for the captain himself.

But both of them were now in such pain that they were reacting to each other in self-defense. McCoy's response to Jim's came across my duty PADD minutes before Jim arrived at our door. 

It was the first thing he saw when he returned. I knew the doctor's transfer would cause Jim even more anguish, but I believed it would be a succinct way of showing him that his methods did not succeed.

When he saw it, he fell into my arms. I shuddered as his anguish caused the bond to finally break. The stress of their fight had taken their link, and our bond with it. 

I held him tightly as he moaned in pain. But even as I rocked him, I knew that I could not waste time simply comforting him. This situation was unacceptable. Instead of Y'Eros, we had dahsaya. Division.

My captain had lost two things most important to him, his friend and our bond. I was responsible for his pain. 

I told Jim to seduce his friend. 

I needed to fix this.

But how does one explain to a human the logic of what he sees as an illogical request? How do I convince the doctor to satisfy a need that he does not know he has?

\----------  
end part 1  
\----------

As I began to understand how badly Jim failed in his attempt to persuade McCoy to join our relationship, I thought it best to 'take a step back' and observe the doctor. By doing so, I hoped to not repeat the mistakes my bondmate had made.

Starfleet bureaucracy aided in this endeavor. McCoy could not be transferred off the Enterprise for another week, as the admiralty needed to review and accept the request. So I chose to start my observations as we made our way to Starbase 5 for leave and repairs.

Therefore, I began to mentally record my interactions and observations of the doctor in order to understand what had happened between him and my husband.

The first thing I observed was that despite the fact that the doctor's transfer was not official, the moment he requested it, his behavior towards the rest of the crew changed.

He isolated himself almost immediately. This was most likely a defensive position. He was well-liked by the other crewmembers. Their concern for his welfare would cause them to ask for an explanation of his choice to transfer. But from his his appearance and behavior, I deduced that he was too weary and in too much emotional pain to deal with a confrontation effectively. Therefore, hiding was to his advantage.

The doctor took extra care to avoid Jim, even though the captain had no reason to confront him. Jim was well aware of the reason the McCoy was leaving the ship. But this did not stop the doctor from going two floors out of his way in order to avoid meeting his friend.

When he did accidentally find himself near Jim, McCoy was silent and avoidant. McCoy did not engage the captain in conversation, nor greet him in a casual fashion, as was the doctor's tendency when they did not have time to talk. 

Jim seemed to accept all of this as unavoidable. The captain did not attempt to change McCoy's behavior, or reprimand him when his avoidance bordered on insubordination. He gave McCoy space, even though the rejection wore on my bondmate severely.

To his credit, our captain tried to hide his pain from the crew. He succeeded, to a large extent. I was one of two beings who could tell how much he suffered. It was obvious to me even without our bond. His eyes had become dull, no longer containing the fire that defined him.

The other being who could see his pain was McCoy. The doctor did not reveal his knowledge in front of Jim, but when the captain's back was turned, he sighed and bowed his head as if in remorse. 

His reaction puzzled me. I did not understand why he did not find a way to resolve their argument if he did not want Jim in pain. I would not let myself interfere, however, without a better understanding of the situation.

I did not have many places to turn for advice. My usual advisors were the subject of my inquiry. At the moment, it was impossible for either of them to look at the situation objectively. Knowing that I could not proceed without help, I considered turning to Nyota. But I quickly realized that I could make her uncomfortable by speaking about the one who now filled the role that used to be hers.

So I found myself at an impasse until we approached Starbase 5. As I requested details of the activities available for the crew during their leave, I found a note that suggested possible persons to talk to about my difficulties. The database informed me that Admiral Archer and his bondmates were on the station for a conference concerning warp technology.

This was advantageous to me. It gave me an opportunity to seek advice from beings who had successfully achieved Y'Eros. I would need, however, to delay the relay of McCoy's personnel file to the Farragut before talking to them, or the doctor might find an excuse to board that ship before his transfer was officially approved.

So I sent a message to the Farragut informing them that the transfer of Dr. McCoy's information was stalled due to a computer malfunction. Then I went in search of the only beings I believed could help us.

After fifteen minutes of searching, I found Admiral Archer at a set of observation windows on the south side of the station. He was alone, so I quickly approached him. "Sir, may I have a word with you?"

"I'm not allowing any interviews right now..." The old man said as he turned to face me. When he saw who I was, he suddenly stopped. "Oh. I was expecting the media hounds that have been following me around for the last year. I apologize."

I inclined my head in acceptance. He did not offend me, as I was well aware the media had pursued all of the heads of Starfleet in an attempt to understand the Narada incident more clearly. Their pursuit seemed illogical to me, as the news people seemed to ignore the information Starfleet gave them, and instead drew conclusions that appeared to be intended to panic the populace.

The admiral examined me carefully as I pondered this, taking in both my pointed ears and my Starfleet uniform. "You're Ambassador Sarek's son, aren't you?"

"Yes, Sir. I am Spock." 

He waved me closer to the windows. "When is the last time you've slept or meditated, young man? You look like hell." I opened my mouth to reply, but he held up his hand. "Sorry, don't answer that. I know Vulcans don't like talking about their personal habits. But at my age, sometimes the mouth starts working before the brain." He smiled. "What can I do for you?"

"I need to speak to you concerning a condition that you have experience with." 

Archer gave me a piercing look as he guided me to a private corner of the windowed hall. "Are you in Pon Farr?" 

I shook my head. "As I am half human, I am not positive I will experience the mating cycle." I took a deep breath to attempt to thwart my Vulcan training, which was attempting to stop me from talking about this very private subject. After many moments, my mind allowed me to continue. "That is not the topic I wish to discuss with you. It is--" I hesitated, not sure how to approach the subject. Finally, I decided to simply say, "I am a member of a Y'Eros. The other two members are human."

Archer grinned. "Well, then, congratulations. You'll have to introduce me to your mates."

"I will do so, if I can resolve our dahsaya and renew our bondmate status." I stared out into the Uri Cluster sadly. "My first partner and I have been unable to convince our third to join us. The bond that was begun has dissolved because of this difficulty."

Archer gave me a sympathetic look as he nodded. "Humans don't understand three-way romances very well. In our history, polygamous relationships have been grossly unequal. Somebody usually ends up getting hurt."

"That does not happen in Vulcan society. The bond demands either equality or a power structure that all members are content with," I said automatically.

"Humans don't have psychic bonds, Commander. Not unless they marry a Vulcan." Archer's voice was soft, nonjudgemental. He seemed to be guiding me in some way.

"Then McCoy quite logically fears something that will not happen," I mused after considering our third's reactions from a human perspective. 

"McCoy? The MD from Georgia?" Archer whistled softly when I inclined my head. "Chris Pike isn't going to like this."

"What will Admiral Pike object to?" I asked curiously.

"There's only one person I can think of who is close enough to McCoy to bond with him. Ironically, Chris told me just last week that he hoped Kirk would keep 'kissing all the pretty girls' because it's been good for diplomatic relations." Archer laughed. "He expected you'd let him do it, if it was just for show. But McCoy..."

"The doctor's reaction to the dissolution of his marriage indicates that he would not allow that. He would feel humiliated if his mate initiated such a display." I agreed.

Archer turned away from the window and looked me straight in the eye. "Something's not right here. Why do you call him McCoy and doctor? Those aren't words people usually use to refer to potential spouses. Even Vulcans aren't that formal about their mates."

I started pacing, disturbed by the thoughts the admiral's question provoked. "We are not close."

"Are you sure?" He smiled softly. This must have been a rhetorical question, because he did not wait for me to answer him before he continued. "Do you know that I nearly destroyed the bond between T'Pol and Trip when it split into three?"

I shook my head. "I was not aware that there were any difficulties in your relationship. In fact, you are often used as a model for Vulcans in Y'Eros."

Archer snorted derisively. "We're far from perfect. We get by, just like everyone else."

He sat on a bench and looked up at me. "I wasn't in love either, when it happened to us. Trip had fallen for T'Pol years earlier, when we were still on our Enterprise. But it wasn't until we were back on Earth that she consented to officially become his mate. Even though she chose to bond with Trip, she was actually torn between the two of us. Neither of us had any idea she loved both of us. She had made sure to hide her attraction to me from everyone. The only one she told was Phlox, our CMO.

"The whole situation made her uncomfortable. She told me later that she had considered not getting involved with either of us because humans aren't normally accepting of...unusual relationships."

"What made her change her mind?" I raised my eyebrow. Perhaps the trials surrounding their bonding could provide a solution to the dilemma in ours.

"She could see how unhappy Trip had become when we got back to Earth. When they'd visit together, he'd moon over her constantly. He didn't date anyone. Hell, he didn't even seem to like his movies anymore."

I did not comment on this when he paused. I felt it best to let the admiral speak as he liked, as he seemed lost in his memories.

"He was better after they got together. More alive. But T'Pol was so conflicted that she started to suffer. I remember when the bond split into three...she actually seemed to get depressed. As for Trip...he went crazy when he found out that she needed me to keep the bond from breaking."

"What was his reason for dissention?" I asked, wondering at the similarities in our crises. It was my hope that he would be able to provide me with a solution that would work for my bondmates. But I had no idea if his mates were as stubborn as mine.

"Trip and I respected each other and we were good friends. But love? It wasn't there. He told that to T'Pol. He believed that a bond between the three of us would never work. They ended up arguing about it. She insisted that the bond wouldn't split on a whim, that something had to be between us. He insisted that he had never felt that way about me.

"My closeness to Trip actually became a problem at that point. We were comfortable with each other, but I was his superior, and we never forgot that. It molded our relationship. He told her he could be friends with someone he called 'Sir', but never lovers."

I shook my head as a memory surfaced in my mind. "The stories told by my teachers indicated that you all had agreed on Y'Eros from the beginning."

Archer sighed. "History has a way of distorting the real lesson in a situation." He sat back, watching me carefully as he continued his narrative. "Their marriage quickly went from bad to worse. I watched them blame each other for something neither of them had any control over. It got so painful to watch that one day I dragged Trip out to a bar to talk it over. I couldn't stand seeing them suffer like that. I had to do something to help them."

He sighed. "Neither of them had actually told me the reason for all the fighting between them. But I could tell it was big enough to tear them apart if they didn't get help. So I got Trip drunk enough to talk. By about ten o'clock, it all came pouring out of him. The conflicts, the split in the bond, his discomfort with T'Pol choosing me as the third.

"I was shocked when he told me I was the reason for their conflict. I didn't know that Vulcans had three-way relationships. As a human, I wasn't exactly enamored of the idea. But I pushed my prejudices aside when I saw how much pain Trip was in. Something had to be done."

Archer took a deep breath and seemed listen to an internal voice for a moment. So, to draw him back to our discussion, I asked, "How did you help him?"

"I kissed him, then I walked out of the bar and didn't talk to him for a week." He closed his eyes, as if focused on the memory. "We both needed time to think about the possibilities. That week was tough for both of us. I did a lot of painful soul searching. Trip told me he spent the first day wondering where he should run to, then the rest of the week figuring out how much he would miss if he did run.

"As painful as it was, after all that, we were both much more amenable to the possibility T'Pol had given us. We talked, first alone, then with T'Pol. And slowly, as we got to know each other on a more personal level, we fell in love with each other. T'Pol was patient, more patient than even a Vulcan had a right to be. But three years later, when we finally completed the bond, it felt like I was coming home."

"I fear we do not have years to resolve our problems," I lamented. "Our bond has already shattered. The remnants will cause Jim irreparable damage if left the way it is." 

I paused. I knew that wasn't the biggest problem. But I found I had to repress feelings of jealousy. Jealousy of what, of whom? Earlier, I would have automatically assumed it was directed at McCoy. Now, I wasn't sure. I found myself pondering the tenacity and moral aptitude of our good doctor, and how it was possible that Jim did not appreciate his friend as I could. 

All this gave me hope that we, too, had possibilities that were unseen. So I calmed myself and continued. "In addition to the bond, there was a link between Jim and...Leonard that was destroyed when Leonard rejected Jim's advances. I fear its absence will cause them both pain."

Archer whistled. "You do have a problem, then. Rushing love is usually a bad idea, but if you don't do something here, well, you could cause everybody more problems."

I nodded. "I had come here in hopes that you could advise me on a course of action."

Archer shrugged. "The best I can offer you is a rejection of McCoy's transfer orders and a small piece of advice. Bring them together in whatever way you can, and show your guys that you can provide the balance they need."

This seemed an unachievable goal, but I knew I must attempt it, as it was what my mates needed. So I thanked the admiral and went to find my captain. 

After making queries to the starbase's computer, I found him sitting at a bar, drinking heavily. 

When Jim saw me sit down across the table from him, he gave me a lopsided grin. His speech was heavily slurred as he asked, "You need a drink, Spock? I think they have some Vulcan wine."

"I do not," I said softly. "And you have had more than necessary. I believe you should cease your intake."

"But it dulls the pain. Right now, I *hurt*. Can't exactly see the doctor for this ailment, you know," Jim groaned as he swallowed a shot of red liquid.

I understood his wish, but this would not solve our difficulty. So, to counter Jim's self-medication, I waved the waiter away as he came to offer more drinks. My bondmate did not need more alcohol. As a testament to this, within ten minutes of my arrival, he put his head down and lost consciousness.

I sighed. I should have anticipated this reaction, but I had been so concerned about the state of the bond that I had neglected to aide Jim in coping with its disappearance. I would correct that oversight as soon as possible. But at the moment, my primary concern was his physical well-being.

Realizing I had no recourse but to take him back to our quarters, I paid for his drinks and picked him up in my arms. It was necessary to carry him back to the ship, as the crew had left their posts to allow for repairs by the starbase personnel, negating the possibility of using the transporter. 

If anyone saw me carrying him, it might harm his reputation, but I could not let him stay here. It was too public a place. Therefore, I planned a route that would take me to our quarters both quickly and discreetly.

As I made my way through the hallways, doing my best to avoid high-traffic areas, I accidentally encountered Leonard McCoy. He was standing in a corner near an unused ship dock, appearing quite morose. I had often seen him agitated, but the sadness that surrounded him now was both new and very disturbing.

He initially appeared to be unaware of his surroundings as he contemplated something, but he looked up when I passed by with Jim in my arms.

"What's wrong with him?" The doctor sounded annoyed as he recognized that I held the captain in my arms. I believe he suspected that I would ask for help that he did not want to give. But as he stepped away from me, I could see concern darken his face.

"The captain is intoxicated," I replied quietly, as it was best for Jim that I not say this too loudly. "The stress of the bond's dissolution caused him to seek an analgesic. I, too, have been distracted by it, so I was unable to stop him from overindulging."

McCoy sighed as he examined my face. "He was telling the truth when he said that strange things were happening to the two of you?"

"If you are referring to the bond, and its need of you, yes." I shifted Jim's weight to cradle him more comfortably.

"Then I suppose this is your fault..." McCoy waved a datapadd at me. On it, I could see Archer's rejection of his transfer. "Since he was too busy drowning in booze."

I nodded.

"I don't get it!" the doctor raised his voice suddenly. "Why would either of you want to jeopardize your relationship by trying to involve me?" He appeared agitated enough that I reacted without thought. I attempted to reach out to calm him.

But I momentarily forgot I held our captain in my arms. His weight shifted away from me, towards the floor. 

McCoy caught Jim before he could fall. Once we had the captain once again securely in my arms, the doctor waved in invitation for me to continue walking. Then he fell into step with me. I took this as a sign of interest and responded accordingly.

"In Vulcan society, three-way relationships are not unusual. They are, in fact, considered stronger than others because the third person allows a balance that a two-way relationship cannot have. The bond maintains the equality that humans have difficulty achieving in such joinings."

McCoy appeared pensive as we continued into the Enterprise and headed toward the quarters I shared with the captain. Then he stopped in the middle of the hallway, as if his thought would not allow him to move further. "Why me? Assuming what you say is true, you both could do a lot better."

I shook my head. "We are in need of you. The strength of your friendship with Jim, and his attraction to you, demand it."

McCoy sighed again as he continued walking. "I thought I was the only one." 

He was quiet as we stepped into the cabin and he helped me put Jim into bed. Then, as I invited him to sit on the sofa, he asked quietly. "What about you? If this is supposed to work three ways, you have to have feelings too, right?"

"It is assumed, yes. But I have not examined my emotions concerning you very closely. I am unable to say how I feel." I remained standing, as I wanted to be near Jim in case he became ill when he awoke. But neither did I stray far from the doctor. I was feeling an illogical need to comfort him.

McCoy shook his head as he appeared to battle himself. "It doesn't matter, really. The truth is yes, I do love Jim. But you...well, I never really thought about it either."

He put his head in his hands. "My gut agrees that what you're saying is true. That you you need a third person. Hell, you wouldn't go jumping through hoops like this if you didn't. And Jim...I haven't seen Jim pass out from drinking, ever. If I had known it was this bad..." 

He waved his hands as if he could ward off our difficulty. "I hope you can find someone to help. A relationship like that might be good for Jim. We both know he needs more than one keeper." He laughed softly, but his mirth left him quickly.

"But it can't be me." The regret in his eyes made me want to reach out to him, but he seemed to want his solitude at the moment. "I'm damaged goods. Jocelyn took me for a rollercoaster ride that just about destroyed me. Now, I panic every time I even consider getting into another romance." He shook his head. "I just can't do it, Spock. Not even for Jim. I'm sorry." 

I bowed my head in sorrow for McCoy. He had gone through such pain for love.

I could almost feel that pain. My hands shook slightly as I tried to control the anguish I felt for Leonard. 

I was not alone in this. As I looked down at the bed, I found that Jim was awake, and he had tears in his eyes.

\----------  
end part 2  
\----------

We had no choice but to let McCoy leave at that point, even though both of us were concerned about the amount of pain he was in. Nurse Chapel had called him concerning a patient. I tried to convey my empathy concerning his emotions as I walked him to the door, but he did not look at me.

The reason for his leaving did not make either of us worry less. The moment the door closed behind him, Jim sat up and stared into my eyes. I did not need the bond to read the plea within them. He needed me to help him find a way to ease his friend's anguish.

But first, my husband's difficulties needed to be dealt with. Jim was still intoxicated. I quickly reached out a hand to steady him as he attempted to swing his legs off the bed.

I could see that he wanted to get to work immediately on helping the doctor. So when Jim was abgle to remain upright without my support, I used the hypo that the doctor had left behind. Jim sighed with relief as the medicine began to stabilize his system.

When he began to feel better, he looked up at me in confusion. "Why didn't I know?" He did not need to say more for me to understand that he was referring to the amount of anguish McCoy was in.

I sat down on the bed and took his hands. "Because McCoy has had practice hiding his pain. He has hid much of his thoughts and emotions concerning intimate situations. I suspect we have been able to see his attraction to you only because he has not found an effective way of concealing it."

Jim sighed. "With all this new information, part of me feels like I don't know him. That all he had shown me before was a lie." He shook his head. "But I know it's not true. He's the best friend I've ever had. He just didn't want me to worry about him, I guess."

I caressed my husband's arm gently. Neither of us could comfort the man we most wanted to hold, so we gave what we could to each other. When our eyes met, I am sure mine mirrored the pain in his.

So, we resolved to help the man that Jim had chosen as our third. In doing so, we hoped to convince him that joining us would be to his benefit. We knew we would have to coordinate carefully to do this. McCoy was likely to resist us. 

That was not our only difficulty. Since we no longer had the bond to aid us in communication, we had to plan carefully before we even stepped out of our cabin.

We spent a few nights coming up with plans and what Jim called 'Plan B's'. Jim warned me early in our discussions that McCoy would find ways around whatever we did. We needed to be prepared for that eventuality.

As we spoke of our intentions, Jim reiterated a point that Admiral Archer had made. Calling our third by his surname was not conducive to convincing him to join our relationship. The doctor would view it as formality, and would use it as an excuse to stay away from me.

Therefore, I consented to call him Leonard. His nickname seemed to be a point of comaraderie between the two humans, and at the moment, off-limits to me. Given time, I believed I could find a more personal name for him.

So, the next day, we began our systematic attack on Leonard McCoy's overbearing conscience. As my husband predicted, the task was far from easy.

We first started by using the resources we had available to us to begin locating the doctor at times when we were not on-duty. The first resource I sought out was Nyota Uhura.

With Jim's permission, I explained to my friend what had happened over the past weeks. She did not appear shocked when I told her about our bond growing a third link and the subsequent breaking of the bond and Jim's link with Leonard. She told me that it was obvious that something had happened to injure the trust between the three of us.

It seemed that our relationship affected all of the crew. For when I told her that Jim and I were attempting to convince Leonard that we wished him to be with us, she grinned. "I'm glad to see that the universe realized how much you three function better when you're in each other's back pockets."

Then she and the other communications officers created a plan that allowed them to find Leonard for us at any time without him knowing he was being tracked. The plan was quite elaborate, and quite effective. When we tried it for a day before implementing the rest of our schemes, Nyota and I found it 99% accurate.

When I told Jim of Nyota's success, he laughed. "I'm glad she's on our side. If she was the enemy, we'd all be doomed."

I nodded. I did not pretend to not understand, nor did I point out the illogic of his statement. I simply accepted the fact he presented: that Nyota's skills in listening and rallying the crew for tasks were impressive and somewhat eerie.

Nyota motivated her 'troops' by telling a half-truth. She told them that Leonard was troubled. He needed his friends, the captain and I, to help him through this difficult time. Unfortunately, she said, he did not see it this way. So they were going to help us help him.

There was no lie in her statement. So I felt little guilt when the crew 'jumped' to do her bidding most enthusiastically.

We also needed to be enthusiastic, because our lives changed drastically for the sake of our third. Jim and I gave up our chess games during this time because we did not want to appear exclusive. I did not retreat to our quarters to read or file my reports. I also curtailed the amount of time I spent in meditation. 

Jim, to Admiral Pike's consternation, gave up his false pursuits of women. To make sure we took advantage of every opportunity we had, he also spent much of his time outside our quarters. Hence, we did not have much time alone. 

Rather than straining our already precarious relationship, this pursuit bonded us in a way I did not expect. It gave us a shared goal, a topic of conversation, and something to hope for.

But when Jim requested that we give up physical relations, I began to worry. My husband was a sexual being. He expressed his love best while we were locked in congress. I, too, seemed to be able to let go of my control best during those times. 

So I feared other, more negative, emotions would start to surface without time for us to join physically. But Jim was determined. He made it clear to me that he wanted our next session to be with Leonard.

"It will be motivation for me," he said, looking up at my face from where he was lying in our bed. "If I deny myself until I can get it right with Bones...well then, I will get it right with Bones, come hell or high water."

"I do not wish you to suffer, t'hy'la," I said softly as I sat in the chair next to him.

Jim caressed my face gently. "Why shouldn't I suffer? He has. And some of that suffering is my fault."

At his words, Jim's hand felt frigid against my skin. For if this situation was partially his fault, it was also partly mine. That fact troubled me, but it also helped me understand why he was denying himself sexual relations.

He was punishing himself for an error he believed he could have prevented. Therefore, if I was as guilty as he, I should also deny myself. I nodded. His choice was logical, and as he said, motivating. I would allow this, but I would watch him carefully throughout this time. If his choice impacted his command decisions, I would have him break his vow.

So we proceeded in our attempt to help Leonard.

During the first week of our 'attack', we decided to simply overwhelm Leonard with our presence. Although he attempted to hide in his cabin much of the time, Nyota regularly sent crew members with minor ailments to his door who insisted that he, not Nurse Chapel or Doctor M'Benga, fix them.

Jim would 'conveniently' be in sickbay at this time, pretending to look for Leonard. Once he 'found' his friend, Jim would sit on a medtable nearby and talk while the doctor was taking care of his patients. Without expecting Leonard to say a word, Jim would tell him about his hopes for the future, and how he hoped that his friend would always be there to help him. Then he would continually reiterate that although we made a grave error earlier, Jim would always be there for him.

Leonard would most often appear to ignore these monologues, but Jim told me that on some days he felt an odd 'twitch' in his head after the patient of the day had gone. When this happened, the doctor would stare at him for a moment, then sigh and return to his office or cabin. Jim revealed to me that this was how Leonard acted when he didn't understand something and was seeking ways to gather more information about it. This would explain the many times he has stared at me.

My task in this 'attack' was to be in Leonard's view when he was not in sickbay. To achieve this, I took to reading my journals and composing my reports in the corner of the recreation room nearest Leonard's cabin. The other crewmembers intially found this odd. When I realized why this was so, I took advantage of the time waiting for Leonard to improve my relationships with various crewmembers and to better understand others. They soon became accustomed to, and even welcomed my arrival.

Our third, however, did not. During the first five days I stationed myself in that recreation room, he would come in, see me, then leave quickly with a look of consternation on his face. As he realized I would not harrass him, but look up and nod to him in acknowledgement of his presence and emotions, he began to stay for short periods of time.

He didn't pretend to avoid me as he did Jim. After I proved to him that I was not a threat, he would sit next to me and often glance at what I was doing on my PADD. Then, to my surprise, he would often speak of personal things. I found this encouraging, for it revealed that his regard for us had not completely changed. If he truly did not trust us, he would not risk revealing his thoughts and emotions to me.

These meetings became more common as time went on, although Jim and I still had to continue to seek Leonard out. He would not come to us. So after three weeks of deliberate 'accidental' meetings, the situation finally culminated in that recreation room I had stationed myself in.

On that day, Leonard walked in at 1923 and immediately began to talk to me when he found me in the corner. "I don't know why you're going through all of this," the doctor commented as he sat down and leaned back in his chair. "I'm not going to change my mind about wrecking your marriage."

I looked up from my PADD. "Repairing our bond is secondary to your welfare. Our actions have caused you injury. Therefore, Jim and I are attempting to provide you with aid."

"You don't need to do that. I'm okay. I just don't want to be pushed into whatever Vulcan mumbo jumbo you think you need me for." Leonard crossed his arms across his chest as if to ward me off. But rather than reiterate once again how we were in need of him, I simply pointed out an unhealed injury on his hand.

"Oh, I burnt myself fixing one of the bed monitors." Leonard shrugged, seemingly unaware of the rather odd juxaposition of a doctor unconcerned with his need of medical attention. "Scotty was busy, so I did it myself. I took a course on the maintenance of med equipment at the Academy. But I forgot how sensitive the blood pressure sensor can be. It shocked and burnt me when I moved it."

I shook my head. The good doctor had been taking excellent care of his patients, but it was obvious that he was not as conscientious with himself. This did not bode well, as it meant the pressure we had put on him had done more injury than I had believed. So, to remind him that keeping himself healthy was important, I reached toward his side and removed the dermal regenerator he always kept with him on his belt. 

Leonard looked at me with shock on his face as I took his hand and ran the regenerator over it, then put the instrument back on his belt.

I did not comment on his emotional display. I simply requested, "Please call me the next time one of your instruments needs repair and Mr. Scott is not available. The harmony of this ship would be significantly reduced if you were seriously injured while making repairs best left to others."

"Don't you mean 'the efficiency of the ship'?" Leonard scoffed at my concern for his safety.

I shook my head. "Although the efficiency would indeed be reduced without your presence, I do not believe improving it is your most meaningful role on this vessel. Of course you are an excellent healer. But you are also the captain's conscience, the one to remind him of the costs of his decisions. He needs this as much as much as he needs my analyses of the situations."

Leonard's cheeks turned pink as he listened to my words. But he still denied my assessment. "Anyone can do that."

"On the contrary," I said softly. "I am still learning what costs humans consider acceptable in many situations. Among the rest of the crew, few others are as candid with the captain as you are. Therefore, it would be presumptuous of me to insist he could do his job without your guidance. In fact, I would venture to say he would have the utmost difficulty if you were to leave."

"So you stopped my transfer for the good of the ship." Leonard looked rather disgruntled by this possibility. This was a good sign, as it meant he most likely wished my focus to be on what his departure would mean to myself or Jim. 

So I did my best to reassure him that this was my concentration. "I stopped your transfer not only for the good of the crew, but also for the sake of Jim's well-being, and for my own. Jim has become quite sullen because of the strain in your friendship. He is no longer interested in challenging me. This is something I believe I need to function effectively with this crew. Therefore I am grateful that you have decided to remain onboard."

"You had my transfer cancelled!" Leonard growled, attempting to shift the focus from himself and his decisions.

But I would not allow this. "You could have appealed to Admiral Archer, but you did not," I pointed out. 

Leonard shook his head as his shoulders slumped in defeat. "I didn't really want to leave," he admitted.

I nodded in acknowledgement of his statement, but stayed silent, as he appeared to be contemplating something. 

We spent many minutes in silence. I watched carefully as Leonard appeared to become more and more agitated. Unfortunately, I could not discern what he was thinking, and as I watched his distress grow, I feared that any question I would ask would be met with hostility. So I let him be, and continued with my observation. It was only interrupted when Jim came in, presumably looking for me. 

The moment Leonard saw the captain, his eyes narrowed and examined the younger man's face. His expression registered shock. It was as if he were seeing the haggard look on his friend for the first time.

"You should be in bed," the doctor said softly. "You look like you haven't slept in a week."

Jim shrugged. "Not while you're still hurting from what I did to you."

"I'm fine!" Leonard nearly yelled. I did not understand why he was avoiding speaking of his difficulties, but I knew he could not continue to do so. Therefore, I finally spoke.

"You are not," I replied softly.

Then, suddenly, as if my words were a cue for action, Leonard launched himself at Jim and began beating on his friend's chest with his fists. "I am not falling apart!"

"Whoa," Jim said soothingly as he tried to grasp the doctor's wrists. "Calm down. It's okay."

But the captain was not able to hold him away and Leonard continued to beat on Jim's chest. So I stood to help Jim restrain him. I grasped the doctor around the waist and as gently as I could, pulled him away from Jim. 

I should have realized that Jim had retained some of the psy skills I had taught him through the bond. But I did not think he had any ability without the bond, for he was originally psy-null. My oversight was unfortunate, for it was that latent skill that made this bad situation worse.

Because at the same time I was pulling at the doctor, through my touch telepathy, I detected Jim instinctively trying to reach for his link with Leonard, the one that no longer existed. 

"Jim, no!" I cried, but it was too late. The stress of Jim grabbing Leonard's side of the broken thread caused his friend to go into psychic shock. The pain of it pulled a scream from Leonard, who then fell into unconsciousness.

\----------  
end part 3  
\----------

Leonard was not the only one injured by the feedback from the broken bond. As I caught the doctor in my arms, Jim gasped and fell away from us. Although his pain forced me to hide an empathetic shudder, I was gratified to see that he fell onto the padded bench behind him. But when he too lost consciousness, I found myself in need of aid.

Fortunately for me, a moment later Hikaru Sulu came in to retrieve his fencing sword and saw me struggling with the two men. When I saw him, I yelled, "Get Dr. M'Benga!"

Within minutes, the Vulcan-trained physician was helping me with the unconscious men. I requested he tend to the captain, who was already beginning to revive. While he examined Jim, I checked Leonard's mental state. But I kept part of my concentration on my husband.

"What happened to us?" I heard Jim whisper to M'Benga.

"Your mind reached for the broken link you had with Leonard. When you touched it, you caused Leonard intense pain. The pain caused his unconscious mind to put up protections." I whispered back before trying to discern our third's condition.

"It was like touching fire." Jim groaned. But I could pay him little attention because Leonard's condition was serious. I found no sign of his presence when I searched his mind through a light meld. This troubled me deeply. Even unconscious, I should be able to sense the doctor in the meld.

His absence lead me to a disturbing conclusion. Leonard's mind had retreated within itself in an attempt to escape the stress we were inadvertantly causing him. As he was not very adept psychically, this could be extremely dangerous. Most psychic beings could easily remove themselves from such a condition, or contact another to aid them once the crisis has passed. While observing him handle his link to Jim, I discerned that the doctor did not know how to perform either of these tasks. I feared Leonard would need me to help him return to the physical world or he would become trapped.

But I needed M'Benga to stabilize his body before I sought his mind. Therefore, I pulled out of the meld and looked up to find him finished with Jim. Knowing our third needed help immediately, I told the physician, "He is uninjured but his body is in shock from the psychic stress." 

M'Benga nodded and replied in kind. "The captain has a headache from the ordeal, but no other signs of injury. I did not give him a painkiller, as it seems the headache may be from your bond with him."

I strained to hide my shock at his statement. Our bond had dissolved days ago, and I had not felt anything that would signal its return. Jim's gasp told been he had also been unaware of any change. If the bond had returned, I knew that neither of us was the cause. But before either of us could discover the truth, the physician finished examining Leonard.

M'Benga nodded in satisfaction as he ran his last scan over our CMO. "I can stabilize him quickly. Please see to your other bondmate, as I'm sure you can ease his pain better than I can."

I raised an eyebrow to question his perception of our relationship, but M'Benga just smiled. "I ran some scans on Len earlier today because he said he wasn't feeling well. He had always had some indicators of psychic activity in his brain, but today they were stronger, much stronger. He was also complaining about you more than usual. That plus the way you two have been chasing him lately led me to believe that he'd soon have two husbands to help him heal those wounds his wife left on him."

I could only hope that was the case when I turned to Jim, who was holding his head in his hands. "Is Bones ok?" He whispered, not looking up at me. He appeared quite upset and in considerable pain. But I found myself unable to reach out to him mentally. I did not want to find out that M'Benga was wrong about the bond.

So I simply answered his question. "Physically, he will recover with minimal treatment. Mentally, he is need of more extensive aid. He has retreated within himself."

Jim groaned. "I screwed up again, didn't I?"

I shook my head. "You did not do this deliberately. Your mind was acting as it had in the past when Leonard was troubled."

"I didn't even know the link existed, Spock. You're telling me that I used it?!" Jim looked up at me, surprised.

"Of course you have. Your unconscious mind was well aware of the link's existence, and used it to your mutual advantage. It explains why you were so comfortable with the bond. You have had practice using a psychic connection." I reached to take his hand, then paused, remembering M'Benga's words. If the bond was beginning to reform in Jim's mind, I could repeat his mistake by touching him. So I stayed my hand.

Jim watched me sadly. I could see on his face that he believed my action was a rejection. "Was what I did that bad?"

"No, t'hy'la." I leaned forward, attempting to convey my sincerity. "You reached out to Leonard unconsciously. Somehow, that action may have helped restore our part of the bond." What I did not say was that I believed Leonard's unconscious mind was attempting to give our relationship the chance that his consciousness feared. 

I did not tell Jim this because I quickly realized he would be most concerned with rediscovering our connection. As I predicted, my husband tried to reach toward me, but I stopped him by putting my hand up. 

"Let me look within. I suspect Dr. M'Benga saw a large amount of activity in your frontal cortex consistent with a bonding. But it is possible that your cortex is active because it is trying to find an absent connection." I attempted to calm him using the tone of my voice, but I could see his extreme excitement at the possible return of our bond would not be contained.

So I closed my eyes and searched within my mind before Jim attempted to use the skills he possessed--and possibly hurt us both.

What I found shocked and amazed me.

The bond was indeed reforming. In fact, the connection between Jim and I was almost completely restored. That was the cause of Jim's headache. I knew that as the bond finished reconnecting, his pain would ease.

Within a minute of my discovery, I began to feel Jim's emotions. Excitement, relief, and worry dominated his mind. He was worried about Leonard. 

I understood his concern. I, too, was worried about Leonard. So I carefully checked the third connection point in the bond. But when I looked there, it was obvious that I needed to intervene furher for us to achieve Y'Eros. That part of the bond had regrown, but it had only a single connection. Leonard was connected to Jim, but not myself.

This did not discourage me. If Leonard's mind was willing to seek out Jim's, then we were no longer in dahsaya. 

The lack of connection to me was to be expected. I believed that his unconscious mind could not create a connection to me. We did not have enough of a foundation to do so. Therefore, it was up to me to correct that. The bond would not wait indefinitely for that third connection, but it would not dissolve quickly unless Leonard rejected us again. Relationships need time and patience to grow correctly.

I opened my eyes to tell Jim the good news, but I could see that he was already aware of the bond's presence. Paradoxically, it was making him frown. "Why can't I feel Bones?" He asked worriedly. "I know he's there. Why can't I feel him?!" His agitation grew quickly.

I needed to calm him, but my first concern was Leonard. I looked to Dr. M'Benga, who nodded to me. "I'm taking him to sickbay. I'll have a bed ready for you when you arrive."

I thanked him and grabbed Jim before he could reach out to touch our bondmate. "He has retreated within himself. He will not feel your presence."

"But the bond..." Jim looked into my eyes. I could see fear within them. He feared that he failed his best friend, that he did irreparable damage. He feared that his friend would never be the same and that it was his fault.

"His unconscious mind did what his consciousness would not allow. It recreated the bond in anticipation of the three of us joining together," I said softly, trying to calm him. "I would expect him to be angry when he wakes. He will most likely blame one of us for his connection to you."

"Why did his mind bond to me if he doesn't want it?" Jim sighed.

"Because his unconscious knows that a continued existence without you would be most painful, but his conscious mind is not yet ready to forgive your error."

"How do you know that?" Jim asked with narrowed eyes. I quickly reassured him that I had not intruded on their part of the bond. However, once we were all joined, it would not be hard for me to see their thoughts concerning each other. I would have to give them time to adjust to this, as I didn't want them to consider me intrusive.

"He needs you and you need him. It has been so since you met. I only needed to read your records to discover that," I said, taking his hand and squeezing gently.

"But what about you?" Jim asked as I felt him probe my part of the bond. "Why aren't you connected with Len?"

"Most likely because we need to discover each other. Although we have spent time talking over the past weeks, it was not in-depth enough to form the trust that you and I, and you and he have."

"Will the bond stay this time? Will it give us a chance to get it right?" Jim asked nervously.

"If Leonard accepts it," I replied, not able to reassure him on this account. It was possible that his conscious mind would destroy what his unconscious created. "I will endeavor to ascertain whether he is over his fears when I meld with him."

Jim nodded thoughtfully. "Don't make a big deal about it and he'll probably tell you. He doesn't like people knowing he's scared, so if you ask him straight out, he'll probably clam up."

"Thank you, t'hy'la." I kissed him gently. "May I inquire about his other idiosincracies before I seek his mind?" I asked this to distract him from his anxiety, but I soon found myself listening intently.

It was at that point I realized that we should have had this discussion much sooner. Jim gave me insight into his best friend that I could not have gotten anywhere else, even from the man himself.

Although Leonard hid his feelings for Jim from him, the doctor did not hide much else over the years. Jim spoke of the difficulties Leonard had had with his ex-wife while in their first year at the Academy. He told me of the doctor's fear of heights, transporters, and relationships. 

He also elucidated Leonard's joy in 'annoying' me. I was at my most comfortable when being adversarial with the doctor. I was glad to hear that he also enjoyed our challenging conversations. It made me consider continuing our game even after Y'Eros was complete.

Jim and I spent almost an hour discussing our third before Jim held up his hand to stop my words. "Why are you still here, Spock? Doesn't he need help?"

I shook my head. "Do not worry that the time we used for this discussion has harmed Leonard. For if I had not calmed you, your fear would have fed into his and caused him to retreat further. It would then have become more difficult to extract him from his mind. 

"If you are in fear, then Leonard has to reason believe there was something out here truly worth fearing, for he considers you the bravest man he knows. And possibly the most foolish."

Jim laughed and shook his head. "You sneaky bastard. I thought you were worried Bones would attack you."

I let my amusement flow along the bond, as I had never feared Leonard's attacks. They, in fact, were most welcome, as his words and actions challenged me to understand humanity more completely. But my words to Jim became serious. "He most likely will attempt to harm me, but his mental presence is weaker than mine. I will be most concerned with not harming him."

Jim agreed this was most likely true, then he paused and seemed to listen to something. When he was finished, he caressed my cheek gently. "It's time for you to get him, Love. I think he just found out he trapped himself. He's pretty upset."

I nodded, seeing the worry return to my husband's face. But I needed to address a concern before going to sickbay. "Perhaps it is best Mr. Scott keeps the conn while I do this. You will be getting feedback from both of us over the bond. In fact, I would prefer if you stay in sickbay with us in case it distracts you or causes you harm."

I was gratified when my bondmate agreed.

So, we stood up and left the recreation room, both of us hoping that our journey to bring Leonard McCoy into our arms would soon be over.

\----------  
end part 4  
\----------

When we entered sickbay, Dr. M'Benga was ready for both of us. He directed Jim to a bed that was already propped to a sitting position. As I expected it would take some time to free Leonard from his own defenses, I requested the doctor prepare Jim a space where he could work, if he wished, while he watched over Leonard and myself. 

I was guided to a prone bed next to the one on which Leonard lay. This would allow my body to be comfortable while in the meld.

I waited for Jim to sit on his bed before I laid down next to our third. I wanted to make sure the captain was comfortable before I began. Because of the re-established bond, feeling any pain from him might cause the meld to fail.

As if he read my mind, and perhaps he was because I was not shielding my side of the bond, he looked at me worriedly. "Bring him back, Spock. And yourself, too. I---need you both." Jim whispered to me, as if admitting this too loudly might hurt him.

I understood his need to look strong to those around him. He was so young, but yet with so much responsibility. That alone had made it difficult to gain the respect of the crew. But he had done so, in less time than I had hoped. Once he took command, he had quickly learned how to handle himself adequately. His new awareness of his station was shown in his caution now. So I simply acknowledged his fears with a nod and turned to Leonard.

I examined the doctor's face carefully as I prepared myself to enter his mind. Even unconscious, he appeared worried. I illogically found myself wanting to run my finger over the lines that creased his face and attempt to erase them. But I did not, as I knew they would not fade until I sought their source. So I gently put my fingers over Leonard's meld points and sank into his mind.

When I entered his mental plane, I found was a dying forest where I would have expected the greenery of Georgia. With Leonard's essence hidden, the framework of his mind had no vitality and it translated itself into an environment that was inhospitable, even by Vulcan standards. It was winter-cold, with rocks scattered everywhere, trees either hibernating or dying, and a sky of slate gray. 

Shivering, I looked around for a sign of the doctor. But there was nothing to hint that this was the mind of the sharp, sarcastic, but kind man who I found fascinating. The lack of his presence, as well as the color, in this place worried me greatly. This grayness would soon invade his essence if I did not act quickly.

In order to understand the place I was in and what signs Leonard might use to direct me, I thought of my adversarial relationship with him. We often acted as if we hated one another, but we actually used our arguments to test one another.

I suspected that he would test me now. He knew he was trapped, and I was certain he suspected that I would come in search of him. If he truly trusted me, he would leave me a sign we would both recognize to guide me to his essence. 

So I walked around the representation of Leonard's sorrow as I reviewed our discussions over the past year. We had talked of life on our respective planets, of changes, of our reasons for joining Starfleet. But it was not those conversations that I believed would help me find him. I would receive aid from the other, more painful discussions. The ones about loss, grief, loyalty and love.

As I pondered this, the wind started to blow. It was cool, like human skin, and the sound of it echoed the good-natured grumbling the doctor was prone to. Wondering if I had accidentally found Leonard's hiding place, I stopped walking and looked around me. 

I saw what appeared to be insects scurrying under the rocks and dead branches, but nothing suggested that Leonard had any influence over this place. Until I nearly tripped over a form laying on the ground. 

I looked down at my feet to find a small object covered with brown hair next to my boot. At first glance, it resembled the tribbles we had given the colonists on Jrain. But when I bent down, I heard no hum indicating it was pleased to see me. Since the object was the only thing in this place that did not seem desolate, I picked it up and examined it. 

I quickly surmised that it was a doll, about ten centimeters long, in the shape of a sehlat, the traditional pet of Vulcan children. As I had described them to McCoy, they were 'teddy bears with six inch teeth'.

This toy was indeed the sign I was looking for. When I recognized it, I realized what path I needed to take to find Leonard. For it was a reminder of a conversation we had had on one of the days that I had waited for him in the recreation room near his quarters.

The day that I told him about Ichaya, my pet sehlat. 

The moment Leonard had entered the room, I knew that he was under more stress than usual. A frown was prominently displayed on his face, and he projected the air of a man both tired and saddened.

I discovered the cause as he sat next to me and began to speak. His mood was the result of the death of an Engineering lieutenant. The man had been a promising technician, but because of a seizure disorder, he had been more vulnerable than other crewmembers. That vulnerability had caused his death when he should have had minor burns.

Lieutenant Fritz had died after trying to protect a colleague from a damaged phaser that was throwing off sparks of energy. He had taken the phaser from the ensign when the malfunction began and had pushed the younger man away. Once the ensign had been moved a safe distance, a bolt had hit the lieutenant, causing him to begin to convulse rather violently. The ensign had immediately called sickbay and Leonard had arrived in Engineering to witness that most disturbing scene.

Although I imply otherwise when we 'snipe' at each other, as Jim refers to our arguments, I know that our third is a most consummate professional. Therefore, I could easily imagine Leonard kneeling over Lietenant Fritz's body, whispering words more suited to bars and back alleys than a starship, as he struggled to control the seizure and minimize the damage it was doing to the lieutenant. Unfortunately, the seizure was too strong, and the damage too extensive. The man died an hour later.

So after he relayed this incident to me, and I observed his sadness, I resolved to show the doctor that I, too, could feel the pain of a death come too soon. For he shied away from me after he was finished relaying his tale. He seemed to be rather embarrassed by his emotions for a reason I could not fathom until I observed him staring at the points on my ears. From his gaze, I surmised that he believed he could not receive any solace from me.

With that in mind, I shared with him the story of how I was unable to save my sehlat Ichaya from death after he had rescued me from danger. He had been injured fending off an attack by desert snakes that would have surely killed the ten-year-old child I had been at the time. 

I had held my pet as he died, and had found my face wet with tears afterward. His death had been difficult for me. I had found myself listless and unable to concentrate on my learning afterward. Mother had to remind me to stop 'moping' for many days. But as I aged, I began to feel honored by the fact that the sehlat struggled fiercely to live during the fight, but had seemed content to die once he knew I was well.

I found the events surprisingly painful to remember, but I was gratified when it appeared to help Leonard put his situation in perspective. Lieutenant Fritz knew that electricity was more harmful to him than to most individuals, but he chose to risk death to save his comrade. Ensign Jerrod told me later that the Lieutenant often made similiar decisions that put him at risk, in the interest of preventing his friends from being harmed.

He was much like Ichaya, and two commanding officers who I could mention if I chose to.

When I finished relaying my story to Leonard, he raised his eyebrow in disbelief. Although he did understand the point of my monologue, he had found a rather unimportant fact to be the most fascinating. He was amazed that Vulcans had pets. "Isn't an emotional attachment to a lesser being illogical?" he asked when I questioned his expression.

To aid his understanding, I spoke of the logic of learning to care for something and being able to train yourself by training it. But again, he became distracted by something other than the subject of which I was speaking. He stopped me in the middle of my explanation, apparently noting something change on my face, because he smiled while looking at it. "You loved your pet, didn't you?"

"I--I never considered my emotions towards him." I said, strangely agitated by his words. But as I thought of the feelings I had had for Ichaya, the desire to be near him, to care for him, to pet and comfort him, I slowly came to the conclusion that they equalled the human concept of love. After a moment, I nodded. 

Leonard smiled, pleased that I had admitted to feeling that emotion most humans believe is important to their existence.

I remembered this event as I sat on a rock and contemplated the doll in my hand. I knew this memory was necessary in my quest to find Leonard.

I was sure that the doll did not contain Leonard's presence. Nor did I think it was pointing the way. Instead it was guiding me to do something I should have done when Y'Eros began: examine my feelings for Leonard McCoy. The logic was clear. I would not be able to find his essence until I did.

I found myself petting the toy as I closed my eyes and thought of our third and of our time together. 

I had not liked the doctor when he first arrived aboard the Enterprise. He had allowed my nemesis to accompany him, disregarding Command and basic logic to bring him aboard. 

Leonard had done this because he was Jim's friend. But over time, I began to see that he was both friend and foe to our captain. He was very loyal to Jim in most instances. But when the captain's decisions were less than optimal, Leonard was not afraid to tell his friend he disagreed with him. 

I learned very quickly that that was exactly what Jim relied on the doctor for. He needed someone to tell him he was wrong when he could not see it himself. Jim knew that Leonard was not afraid of his status or power, as most humans would be. So he felt confident that the doctor's opinion was exactly what he said it was.

Jim's trust was not misplaced. Leonard took his job for the captain very seriously. This was proven to me each time I overheard them shouting at each other in a locked conference room, directly preceeding Jim implementing a solution to a situation that most believed was impossible.

Leonard's versatility was one reason that I respected him. 

When I focused on the way Leonard responded to me, I again found respect was my first thought. 

I had mistakenly believed he did not hold me in any esteem when he began arguing and complaining at me within the first week he and Jim were on the Enterprise. But with careful observation, I quickly surmised that his insults were not due to hate or ignorance or lack of respect. 

In fact, the opposite was true. He argued with me because he respected me, and because on some level, he enjoyed my company. Leonard chose to treat me like he treated Jim. He was being both friend and foe to me, in order to help me learn.

The dramatic differences between us, and my lack of laughter, made the result sound more like angry arguments than what they really were: Leonard reminding me that my point of view was not the only one that should be considered.

Through his tendency to start these sarcastic discussions, I could conclude that Leonard liked me. Because I participated in these arguments and did not turn away, I knew that I also liked him.

This was both a pleasing and useful piece of information. But I needed to know more. To truly bond, liking was not enough. It required a commitment created from love. Therefore, I needed to discover whether I loved this man.

I had known I loved Jim early in our relationship. He preoccupied me in ways that nobody before had, not even Nyota. I worried about his welfare, about his opinion of me, and about his happiness much more than I ever concerned myself with my own.

Despite being near him almost as much as I was near Jim, I did not find myself preoccupied with Leonard until Y'Eros developed. Even then, it took the threat of him leaving for me to realize that he was not only important to Jim, he was important to me as well.

Nodding to myself, I realized that I had done what our third asked. So I decided to tell Leonard of my conclusion. I did not believe it was what Jim wanted to hear, but I believed Leonard would appreciate my honesty.

"I like you very much, my friend," I said softly to the trees surrounding me. "But as of yet, I do not believe I love you. That may simply be a result of not knowing you well enough. Love is certainly a possibility, one I will not discount, nor ignore, simply because my training says I must hide it. 

"Indeed, I wish to love you. Not only because Jim loves you, but also because you are in need of love. As your friend, I wish to alleviate the pain your ex-wife had caused you. Love might indeed accomplish this. It would be my honor to help you in this way if my regard for you grows, as I expect it will if you allow me to learn more about you."

As I said this, I looked at the old oak tree in front of me. At my last word, its trunk broke open. I peered into the darkness within. Dimly, I could see what appeared to be a set of stairs. I knew then that Leonard had heard my words and found my conclusions acceptable. He had lowered his defenses enough to let me help him.

I stood up, and setting the toy sehlat gently on my granite seat, I walked to the tree, then with measured steps, I walked down the stairs into Leonard's mind. But unlike the young child I had once been, I was not scared of the darkness. For as I walked deeper within it, I could feel Leonard surrounding me.

\----------  
end part 5  
\----------

When I reached the bottom of the stairs, Leonard's presence was quite strong. I knew then that this was where he had hid himself.

"Doctor?" I called softly, not wanting to presume familiarity if he was still feeling threatened.

"Who's there?" The voice was a whisper on the cold breeze flowing through what appeared to be a tunnel ahead of me. I attempted to examine it, as it seemed to be lit by a gray light. To my consternation, I could not make out any details other than it was one of many tunnels, and it was the only one with light emanating from it.

"It is Spock. I have come to aid you." I kept my voice low and non-threatening. Leonard was already under stress. I did not want to add to it.

"Spock?" The wind whispered. "Spock, is that you?"

"It is I." I spoke louder this time, and headed into the lit tunnel, the area from which the wind flowed.

As I walked, I detected more of the gray light that had allowed me to manuever down the stairs. The color of the light gave me a great sense of alarm. I had expected sunlight in the space Leonard called his own, as he was generally a cheerful man. 

The gray brought many questions to mind. Had his pain been deeper than we realized? Had it already pervaded his essence?

I started running toward the light, hoping to reach him before any more damage could be done. But when I came to the other side, I was surprised to come to a field of grass, lit by the gray---silver light.

Instead of the barren landscape I had just left, I was looking around what appeared to be the lands of Georgia, or some other temperate area, highlighted by Luna, Earth's moon. Sitting in the middle of the area, gazing up at Earth's satellite, was Leonard McCoy.

I immediately headed toward him in order to ascertain his current state. My footsteps made the grass rustle, disturbing his contemplation. As I neared, he looked over at me and nodded calmly. "Hi, Spock."

I nodded back, returning his greeting. "Are you well?" I asked as I sat next to him in the grass.

"As well as I can be, considering that I'm trapped." He sighed. "I don't know why I'm here. I haven't been out in this field in years."

"What is this place?" I asked, looking around at the serene area.

"My uncle's farm." Leonard replied. "I came here after my marriage and my career fell apart. Uncle Carl put me to work tending the horses. The manual labor kept me busy but it also gave me time to think."

He looked around us contemplatively. "But it was sitting in this field that changed my life. Hell, this was where I decided to join the Academy."

I examined the field, attempting to understand the motivating factors of this place. It appeared to be a good place for meditation, but I suspected it had further significance for the doctor.

After a few moments, he revealed its true meaning by pointing to the sky. "See that light? Someone told me that was a Vulcan ship. They had come to Earth to help negotiate some trade agreement. It was supposed to make the Federation richer in some way.

"Now I knew ships went in and out of Spacedock everyday. But this was the first one I paid attention to. The first one that seemed real to me. 

"I had never been off the planet, but when I heard about the trade agreement,  
I remember thinking that I needed a piece of that. It was probably an insignificant thing to the Federation president, but it stirred something inside me. I wasn't greedy, but Jocelyn had just about bled me dry by that point. Space seemed like an opportunity I couldn't pass up."

I should not have been surprised by the ulterior motive of his entrance into the Academy. However, our third was such a self-sacrificing being that I had not factored his divorce into my analysis of why he was on the Enterprise. 

But even with that information, I was indeed surprised--and rather confused. His story was missing important details.

"I was told that physicians are adequately compensated on Earth," I commented.

"They are, when they have a good reputation," Leonard sighed. "As my divorce was being finalized, the Terran Medical Association was investigating the man I had partnered with in my practice. Don Lurie had made some shady deals to get enough money to set up the clinic and five years later, they were coming back to haunt him. 

"When the TMA found out, they sent me a message saying that they wanted to talk to me about what I knew. Jocelyn saw the note, right after we had had a bad row about who got what in the settlement.

"I think she was so upset that she didn't read it correctly. From what I gathered later, she thought they were investigating me. So she told her friend, who was the town gossip. That ended my medical career in Peachtree City, Georgia. Nobody wanted a fraud as their doctor, and they weren't willing to listen to my explanation that I wasn't the one who was in trouble.

"So when I looked up and saw that ship, I knew I wanted to be up there on it, with whomever was inside. Because they had to be better than my 'friends' on Earth."

"I was on that ship," I said quietly, after a moment of remembrance. I had visited my parents on Vulcan before I took my assignment as an apprentice educator at the Academy. I had returned to San Francisco on my father's diplomatic ship, as he was headed to Earth to aid the Federation's negotiation of mining rights on Rigel XII.

Leonard blinked, then shook his head. "I should have known."

"I do not see how you could have," I replied, watching his face.

"Didn't your...other self...say that all of us being together was fated?"

I inclined my head in agreement. "Perhaps it was your fate to see my father's ship. But my other self could not have forseen what has happened to our relationship. He was bonded to his Kirk, but not McCoy."

"I had a feeling they weren't a trio in all senses of the word." He paused, looking suddenly worried. "Did we...they hate each other?" 

"No. I believe that their 'fights' were the most important part of their relationship, and they never grew closer because they were content with what they had. The Elder spoke of the doctor most fondly, perhaps as a human would speak of a brother."

Leonard nodded thoughtfully. "I could see that...if it was just the two of us."

"It is certainly a reasonable conclusion. But Jim's need of both of us has intertwined us in a way I am not sure even the 'fates' could have predicted. He needs us for things the other Kirk learned elsewhere. I believe this has somehow has changed his needs for love. Do you agree?" I laid my hands palm up on my legs, attempting to convey an openness to his thoughts on the subject. This discussion might indeed set us on paths that would change our lives. I could not appear unwilling to confront it.

"Yeah. He thinks we should be part of everything he's involved in." The doctor shook his head. "A fine mess we're in, isn't it?" He looked up at that small twinkling light again. "All because I had to get off this damned planet."

"Do you regret meeting me?" I asked, trying, but not succeeding in hiding my worry. This meld was deep. It was almost impossible for me to hide any part of myself. Although normally, this would be uncomfortable, I found myself content to show that emotion. I had come to trust this man without realizing it.

As for Leonard, it was obvious that he did not regret crossing paths with Jim. His relations with the rest of the crew were more than adequate. However, our relationship was odd by any standards, and therefore difficult to quantify. Although I truly believed our verbal battles were simply a way to compromise on our extreme differences, it was possible that I misperceived his intentions.

So I was quite relieved when the doctor shook his head. "You're a good man. You've been good for Jim in so many ways. But me and you, together with him...it could ruin what we've created. The chain of advice and decisions, the harmony of the crew. Changes in those could be disastrous.

"If we felt more for each other, it'd be different. But we don't. The whole thing feels...contrived. We both love Jim. But without loving each other, do we really have that Y'Eros thing?"

I shook my head. "We do not."

Leonard nodded. "I don't want all of us to end up like I did with Jocelyn. We're both bitter because we made bad decisions, even though we tried to fix them by divorcing. I'm starting to find myself again. But Jocelyn...

"If you asked her, she'd tell you how her life is better now that she doesn't have me hanging over her. But from the contact I've had with Joanna, I could tell it's mostly a story. I got the better deal from the divorce. She may have gotten all the money, but I found people I could trust."

"Do you believe that by joining with us, you risk losing that?" I believed we were at the crux of the matter, so I listened intently.

"I know I do." The doctor wiped his forehead agitatedly. "I have friends that will have my back forever if I play my cards right. Your other self showed me that. So I can't risk it all unless it feels like I have a winning hand. 

"Right now, I feel like I'm not even holding a pair of twos. To win the pot, I'd have to take some big risks. But a marriage isn't something you want to bluff your way through."

I was familiar with the rules of poker, so I did not need to ask him for clarification. His metaphor was clear. The risk of losing the friendships outweighed the benefit of more intimate relationships in his mind.

I respected his logic, and his attempt to protect the current state of affairs between the two of us. Therefore, I decided help him by taking a risk of my own, in order to keep the equilibrium we had. "If I can convince Jim to halt his attempt to pursue a romance with you, would you consent to leave the bond as it is? You may shield yourself from us. I will teach you how to do so adequately."

Leonard raised his eyebrow. "Why should I help you leave it open like that?" 

Although on the surface, his question sounded accusatory, his expression indicated that he was truly curious and did not intend to hurt me.

"I fear the bond between Jim and myself will not survive without your presence. You are such an integral part of Jim's life that his psyche demands it. But perhaps with time, I can convince him that your participation is unnecessary. Or perhaps I can convince him to live without the bond."

"Don't bet on that last one, you'd lose. Jim thinks the bond is the best thing that ever happened to him." The doctor raised his eyes to the moon and watched as the Vulcan ship passed over its image. "Yeah, I'll do it," he said softly. "Because I love Jim and because I'm willing to trust that you'll have my back if anything changes."

I inclined my head most solemnly. "I will. If you wish, I will take the t'zaled, the blood oath, to insure all know the truth of this."

"No. No. I don't want you to swear anything. I just want you to love and protect Jim...and keep me from disrupting your relationship, if you can." Leonard stood up and offered me a hand. 

I took it and stood up as well.

The doctor nodded to himself, as if satisfied with our discussion. "Now that we have that straightened out, tell me how to get the hell out of here." 

"I will show you." I took his other hand and briefly accessed our links with Jim to help Leonard destroy his defenses and return to consciousness.

Once he was free, I broke the meld and opened my eyes.

My first glance was at the doctor. I was glad to see him awake and appearing quite healthy. When he saw me looking at him, he nodded to me contentedly.

Now that my mission was complete, I sat up and turned to Jim. He was watching us and smiling happily. "I see your operation was a success, Dr. Spock."

I quirked my eyebrow, as I was unsure why he was comparing me to a 20th century pediatrician.

Leonard shook his head at Jim's amusement and slapped my shoulder lightly. "Thanks, Spock."

I inclined my head, then attempted to calm Jim. The bond was filled his fear that something was amiss, as he did not sense a completed three-way connection. So I immediately informed him that this was not so. "No, the bond is not finished. Nor will it be."

I held up my hand as Jim's face showed signs of panic. "Leonard and I have agreed to let it remain in its current state. We do not love each other, and it is an imposition to force him into a bond where he does not feel love from both sides."

The doctor nodded. "I'll be there for you, Jim. I'm not going to try to force you to let me go again. Spock told me what the two of you have depends on me being near, so I'll be in your head too, just shielded."

Jim shook his head, trying to deny our decision. "It's not going to work."

"It will." I went over to Jim and gently coaxed his head up to look at me. "Leonard has agreed to this compromise because he believes a full bond would be detrimental to the relationship between him and myself."

Jim, however, was most stubborn.

"You're wrong. I'm not breaking my vow. You two obviously need to work at this harder. Or maybe you just need more time." Jim crossed his arms and glared at me. He believed this state of affairs was my fault and he wanted me to fix it. Immediately.

But even if that were my goal, I would have to first take care of an oversight.

"Vow? What vow?" Leonard looked from Jim to me and back again.

"Jim took a vow of celibacy," I said when the captain remained quiet. "He swore to not engage in sexual congress until he can do so with both of us."

As I said this, I could feel Leonard's gaze upon me, so I turned my head to meet his eyes. 

We exchanged worried glances. We knew, from previous experience, that Jim could not remain celibate long without it beginning to affect his performance on the bridge. He relied on sexual congress as a release for the stress of leadership and of restraining himself in ways he did not like.

Without that release, he was dangerous. His mental and physical health suffered in ways I had not believed was possible for a human. 

This knowledge had come from Jim almost losing his captaincy. Before we had married, Jim hadspent a span of two months without physical intimacy. By its end, Leonard has been ready to declare him unfit for duty. Out young captain had made the Enterprise recklessly charge after a Klingon merchant ship because, as Leonard had put it, he needed a 'thrill'.

Therefore, by maintaining that vow, Jim had left us no choice but to join in a bond that we did not want or risk disaster.


End file.
